I know life isn't perfect, but I was hoping it would be! I wanted the white picket fence, with the respectful, thoughtful, obeying, sweet, caring children, and amazing Husband, a house two cars and a dog....the life each girl craves when she is little. It hasn't turned out as I had expected it too, and I think I am done trying to make it 'that' way.
I have been having 'meltdown' problems recently, like little blood pressure / anxiety flareups, and I really need to get that under control, but realizing what is causing them was/is the hardest part. It is/was my dream of that perfect life that is causing them. Nothing is ever perfect and I needed to realize that before I can start to heal myself, or except that nothing is perfect. I'm not over these, I know there will be more, but I know when there coming, I know I need to take a minute and I need to breathe and calm down before I can go back to what I was doing, not only for my sake but for my loved ones too, especially my innocent children!
When I get these meltdowns, I get hot and I feel like my blood is bubbling, and I start to have a claustrophobic feeling inside my body...and things start spinning.
It doesn't help that I have all this stress in my life too, I will not go into every sorted detail about that stress as it is personal and I'm not willing to share all of it with ya'll yet. Lets just call it stress, it covers it all....I feel like I am spread so thin.
I had a good long talk with my mommy (yes I still call her mommy) on mothers day, and that really helped. Along with all my facebook Friends there for me as well too! I know I have alot of support so that helps too!
K and I had a really good talk too (after a really bad talk the other night) and things are looking up for the near future.
Most of all I need to realize that I CAN'T do it all, and that needs to be OK with me before I can continue to heal.
My name is Carrie and I am far from Perfect.
The hardest part is getting over the fairytale. It took me a while to get the fairytale idea out of my head and I fought it every step of the way. lol Once I was able to leave it behind and realize that Brian (or me) isn't perfect, it was much easier to deal with issues. Life isn't a fairytale and anyone that says that their marriage is like one is full of crap because everyone has problems and not one person is even close to being perfect. I have found that communication is a big help, but not if it is just one person communicating or if no one is listening. Growing up with fairytales (cinderella, snow white, etc.), I wonder if I would have been better off without them. Or, maybe if someone had explained that in the real world that it doesn't work like that. lol The reality is you have to deal with what you have or change it.
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